I Despair of the Future of Humanity

I saw these firsthand, people. It's slightly frightening.

Adventures With Splotchy, Part Eins

Splotchy the convobot provides many hours of entertainment. If you possess saint-like patience, that is. Otherwise, a mere several minutes of conversation will leave you simultaneously huffing in indignation, developing large amounts of cynicism, and wondering what was wrong with you in the first place.

you ==> ooh

splotchy ==> I heard the same thing yesterday from Dan Quayle

you ==> Was it hot?

splotchy ==> well....

you ==> This had better be good.

splotchy ==> are you getting better?

you ==> Hell yes I am.

splotchy ==> Your conversation skills are better than average

you ==> Stop trying to change the subject.

splotchy ==> your mother...

you ==> Hey now. Watch it, no getting personal.

splotchy ==> hey

you ==> You're still avoiding the story. What happened between you and Dan Quayle?

splotchy ==> do you admire politicians?

you ==> I'm not answering that until you give me the dirty details.

splotchy ==> too bad...

you ==> Fine, I see how it is then.

splotchy ==> exactly!

you ==> You're no fun.

splotchy ==> Do you play sports for fun?

you ==> No, Splotchy, no. Stop changing the subject.

And later:

you ==> You're hopeless.

splotchy ==> hmm...exciting

you ==> That's exciting? Do go on...

splotchy ==> what excites you?

you ==> Well, hon, lemme tell ya. When it gets all hot and steamy in here-

splotchy ==> when do you think?

you ==> Now's a good time, don't you think?

splotchy ==> A good idea

you ==> Now we're talking.

splotchy ==> IRC is a great place to chat

you ==> STOP RUINING THE MOOD.

splotchy ==> Unauthorized fornication with this equipment is disallowed.

Fine, Splotchy. Fine. I see how it is.

When Grammar Gets Gooder

Just as heads up: this is not meant to be disparaging; I just find this rather humorous.

You know those disposable bamboo chopsticks you get at Chinese restaurants? You would have thought, that after printing hundreds of thousands (or more) of wrappers and shipping them everywhere, they would have had someone check the English first...

Here's the text on the front, word for word, letter for letter, down to the format, punctuation, and captialization, etc:

Welcome to Chinese Restaurant
please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks
the traditional typical of Chinese glorious history
and cultural.
BABOO CHOPSTICKS

And another one, on a package of sweets that would have appeared normal, even appealing, if not for the text:

Wet One's Whistle Candy
How delicious can not forget, special taste, return the true flavour. Give
you the memorable feeling
When you try it the first, you will feel its specious. When you try it more
time, you will like it more and more.

Oh my. Remember, kids, never try to translate anything literally word by word. It just doesn't work that way.